Dr. Rocco warned me that the MRI is so sensitive it picks up stuff that might not be anything at all.
The morning after my MRI, I got a call asking if I could come in for an ultrasound so they can check out a new lump that showed up on the MRI. I was hoping they would just look at the lump #2 and say, "oh that's nothing" and I could go home. That's not what happened.
Dr. Vernacchia is the medical director there. He did my biopsy. He sat down with Mom and me after the ultrasound to discuss the new information.
Here's the deal as I understand it.
This lump is fishy. It looks a lot like the other lump. I could be more cancer. It does not show up on the mammogram. It is hard to see on the ultra-sound. It is clear on the MRI. It needs to be biopsied.
They cannot use the mammogram to guide the biopsy because they can't see where it is.
They could use the ultrasound to guide the biopsy...but they wouldn't be 100% certain they got it. If it came back that it was malignant...we could make a confident treatment decision. However, if it came back benign...we would have to wonder if it was really benign...or if they just didn't get a sample from the right area.
They could use the MRI to guide the biopsy. However, because of the position of the new lump...it would be very difficult to get to it while I am in the MRI machine. Dr. Vernacchia would try to get a sample from it...and if he couldn't, he would drop in a surgical clip at the precise location so that Dr. Rocco can find it while she's doing my surgery. They could then do a "frozen biopsy" to determine whether or not the new lump is cancerous.
I am supposed to decide whether I want the MRI biopsy or the ultrasound biopsy. I think the MRI biopsy makes more sense, but I am going down to Dr. R's office on Monday and I'm just going to ask her what she thinks.
It is still technicallly possible that I may have just the lumpectomy...but I am having trouble keeping that possibility in my mind. I believe in positive visualization and I think it would be great if I could keep upbeat and imagine that tidy little lumpectomy in my future. But I despair...and feel my self gearing up to deal with losing my right breast completely.
Since I can't seem to stay positive...will you do it for me? Imagine this will soon be over and my body won't be radically altered. Thank you!
In the meantime, I am going to wear push-up bras and low-cut sweaters at every opportunity, just in case.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
July 24th MRI
San Luis Diagnostics should give me a punch card!
I have now had every diagnostic procedure they offer. Since June of this year I have had an X-ray, CT scan, ultra-sound, mammogram, biopsy and MRI.
The MRI was horribly uncomfortable. I wish I'd taken the valium they offer to you if you are claustrophobic. I think it is not so bad if you get to lie on your back...but I was on my stomach with my head in a little cradle, my nose pressed up a piece of cold plastic, and my breasts hanging out through two holes in the platform I was laying on. My arms were up above my head in a position that cut off the circulation so that they were freezing cold until they became completely numb. My feet were freezing too, and there was cold air blowing on my back. You're not supposed to move at all...so I couldn't stretch or re-adjust for thirty minutes. I hate to sound so whiny and complainy...I'm just telling you all this so that if you ever have to have this procedure, you'll take the drugs! Also, say yes when they ask if you want a blanket.
I have now had every diagnostic procedure they offer. Since June of this year I have had an X-ray, CT scan, ultra-sound, mammogram, biopsy and MRI.
The MRI was horribly uncomfortable. I wish I'd taken the valium they offer to you if you are claustrophobic. I think it is not so bad if you get to lie on your back...but I was on my stomach with my head in a little cradle, my nose pressed up a piece of cold plastic, and my breasts hanging out through two holes in the platform I was laying on. My arms were up above my head in a position that cut off the circulation so that they were freezing cold until they became completely numb. My feet were freezing too, and there was cold air blowing on my back. You're not supposed to move at all...so I couldn't stretch or re-adjust for thirty minutes. I hate to sound so whiny and complainy...I'm just telling you all this so that if you ever have to have this procedure, you'll take the drugs! Also, say yes when they ask if you want a blanket.
July 22 Consult with the Surgeon
I am so lucky. I found a surgeon I really trust. (Thank you Trina for your recommendation! You were right on!)
Her name is Dr. Rocco and she's all the way down in Santa Maria and out of my insurance network. But, she is well worth the hour-long drive and the extra co-pay. She specializes in breast health, is the surgical director at the Marion Cancer Center and she treats me like a princess. (With the other surgeon I felt like I was struggling just to be treated like a human...what an upgrade!)
After considering the results of my mammogram, ultrasound and biopsy she suggested that I also have an MRI so she could get a really clear image of exactly where my cancer is. She explained that the cancerous cells aren't in a tidy clump like a melon ball...but spread out. She drew a picture of something that looked like a spiderweb crossed with a jelly-fish to illustrate this.
Depending on the MRI images she will tell me which kind of surgery to perform. The choices are:
A. a lumpectomy. This might not even change the size, shape or appearance of my breast. I would probably experience changes in sensitivity...but I think I can live with that. (Actually, the upside to all of this is that no matter what the treatment decision is...I can live with it. I do NOT have life threatening cancer. Yay!)
B. a lumpectomy and removal of my nipple. This is because of the location of the "lump." I cringe every time I think about this option. Ugh. eech. gross.
C. a masectomy. I guess the protocol is that if you lump spreads out over more than one quatrant of your breast...they just take the whole breast. According to Dr. R, my images show the "lump" spreading out from the 12 o'clock to the 3 o'clock position. That is one whole quadrant. I guess that's the Alpha quadrant. Thank goodness...I wouldn't want to be stuck in the Delta quadrant! (If you don't watch Star Trek...don't bother trying to understand that.)
Dr. Rocco also took a blood sample so she can have the gentic testing done to see if I am at great risk for recurring cancer. If it turns out that I have a BRCA gene mutation...then we might just opt to have a double masectomy. I probably don't though. I don't have a strong family history of breast cancer. So, I'm not going to worry about that until the results come back in August.
Even though we don't know what kind of surgery we are going to have, we have gone ahead and scheduled it for Friday the 8th of August. By then we'll know what the treatment will be. Until then, it makes me kind of sick on my stomach wondering what is going to happen.
Her name is Dr. Rocco and she's all the way down in Santa Maria and out of my insurance network. But, she is well worth the hour-long drive and the extra co-pay. She specializes in breast health, is the surgical director at the Marion Cancer Center and she treats me like a princess. (With the other surgeon I felt like I was struggling just to be treated like a human...what an upgrade!)
After considering the results of my mammogram, ultrasound and biopsy she suggested that I also have an MRI so she could get a really clear image of exactly where my cancer is. She explained that the cancerous cells aren't in a tidy clump like a melon ball...but spread out. She drew a picture of something that looked like a spiderweb crossed with a jelly-fish to illustrate this.
Depending on the MRI images she will tell me which kind of surgery to perform. The choices are:
A. a lumpectomy. This might not even change the size, shape or appearance of my breast. I would probably experience changes in sensitivity...but I think I can live with that. (Actually, the upside to all of this is that no matter what the treatment decision is...I can live with it. I do NOT have life threatening cancer. Yay!)
B. a lumpectomy and removal of my nipple. This is because of the location of the "lump." I cringe every time I think about this option. Ugh. eech. gross.
C. a masectomy. I guess the protocol is that if you lump spreads out over more than one quatrant of your breast...they just take the whole breast. According to Dr. R, my images show the "lump" spreading out from the 12 o'clock to the 3 o'clock position. That is one whole quadrant. I guess that's the Alpha quadrant. Thank goodness...I wouldn't want to be stuck in the Delta quadrant! (If you don't watch Star Trek...don't bother trying to understand that.)
Dr. Rocco also took a blood sample so she can have the gentic testing done to see if I am at great risk for recurring cancer. If it turns out that I have a BRCA gene mutation...then we might just opt to have a double masectomy. I probably don't though. I don't have a strong family history of breast cancer. So, I'm not going to worry about that until the results come back in August.
Even though we don't know what kind of surgery we are going to have, we have gone ahead and scheduled it for Friday the 8th of August. By then we'll know what the treatment will be. Until then, it makes me kind of sick on my stomach wondering what is going to happen.
July 19th Sandra Bloom arrives
Thank Goodness! My Mom is here! She came all the way from Maryland.She was able to take time off work and is staying with me until I am finished with surgery.
She rented a car she calls "the golden chariot" and drives me to all my doctor's appointments. She takes notes and asks good questions. She helps me think about my treatment options and helps me make decisions. Most importantly, she stays steady when I am out of control on the emotional roller-coaster of dealing with all this.
It's wonderful to get to spend so much time with her. I can't imagine how much more difficult this process would be if she was not here.
Friday, July 25, 2008
July 7 Diagnosis/Termination
On Monday July 7th 2008 I got a message that my primary care provider (Patty Odum, N.P.) here in Los Osos wanted me to stop by her office to discuss the results of my biopsy. That didn't sound good, but I tried not to think about it.
Instead, I thought about the fact that my interim district manager (Ed Fitzgerald) had called me early that morning to ask me to meet him in Pismo Beach that afternoon. That didn't sound good either.
At 12:30 pm Patty explained that I have ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS), otherwise known as breast cancer. She assured me that this is the best kind of cancer to have. We caught it very early. It is very treatable and it is NOT life threatening.
From there I rushed to the meeting with Ed. He handed me a letter and said, "I have nothing to do with this, I am just the messanger." The letter infomed me that I was being terminated because an investigation found that I had falsified records.
This was a total shock to me. I had gotten two calls in the past month about a call (visit to a doctor/customer) I had submitted in error (wrong time and day.) I had explained how the error happened and thought the matter had been dealt with. I was wrong.
I spent the rest of the day dealing with paperwork, storage unit and sample inventories. I turned over my car and computer. I don't remember what I did after that. I probably just went to bed.
The next morning I woke up and just layed there looking at the clock thinking about how I didn't have to get up because I didn't have a job anymore. I thought a lot about how I had been fired and what I might do next. I spent at least 30 minutes thinking about job stuff before I remembered, darn it, I have breast cancer. Jeez.
Instead, I thought about the fact that my interim district manager (Ed Fitzgerald) had called me early that morning to ask me to meet him in Pismo Beach that afternoon. That didn't sound good either.
At 12:30 pm Patty explained that I have ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS), otherwise known as breast cancer. She assured me that this is the best kind of cancer to have. We caught it very early. It is very treatable and it is NOT life threatening.
From there I rushed to the meeting with Ed. He handed me a letter and said, "I have nothing to do with this, I am just the messanger." The letter infomed me that I was being terminated because an investigation found that I had falsified records.
This was a total shock to me. I had gotten two calls in the past month about a call (visit to a doctor/customer) I had submitted in error (wrong time and day.) I had explained how the error happened and thought the matter had been dealt with. I was wrong.
I spent the rest of the day dealing with paperwork, storage unit and sample inventories. I turned over my car and computer. I don't remember what I did after that. I probably just went to bed.
The next morning I woke up and just layed there looking at the clock thinking about how I didn't have to get up because I didn't have a job anymore. I thought a lot about how I had been fired and what I might do next. I spent at least 30 minutes thinking about job stuff before I remembered, darn it, I have breast cancer. Jeez.
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