August 7th Pre-op

Yuck. It sucks to wake up and realize today is the last day you will have both your breasts. I felt like crying yesterday, but today I just feel mad. Damn it.

Here are my plans for the day.

Drive down to Santa Maria for my pre-op appointment at the Marion Cancer Center. I think this means blood-work and usually a chest X-ray. I don't need the X-ray because I had one in June when I had that awful bronchial infection.

Afterwards, I am coming back up to San Luis Obispo for a photo shoot. As mad as I am this morning I can't help smiling about that. I asked a photographer friend of mine to take some topless shots of me while I'm still symmetrical. She usually shoots things, not people, but she's really talented and I think it will be fun. Maybe I can get her to take some "after" shots later.

Here's her website.

www.dinaperkins.com

After that, Mom and I are going on a walk on the architecture trail in Poly Canyon. I'll try to put up a picture. It's very cool. We are going with some friends who are leaving town for the next six months. I would miss them anyway, but it's especially hard to see such an important part of my support network dissapating right now when I feel so needy. I don't want anyone to move away! In fact, I want all my friends to move in with me. We could set up tents in the back yard and just have a big slumber party for the rest of August and I would never have to be alone! Wouldn't that be fun?!

Anyway, these dear and wonderful friends of mine have offered that I could come and stay in the beautiful studio apartment behind their house while they are away. I think I'm going to take them up on it and try to sublet my little Los Osos house out fully furnished. That way, I wouldn't really have to move...just pack a suitcase and go stay in San Luis for a while. I could live rent-free while I recover from this cancer bullshit and think about what the hell I want to do for work now.

I don't want to go back to selling drugs and I thinks it's going to take at least a few months of research and networking and informational interviews before I even have an idea of what kind of jobs I should try to be getting. This will all be SO much easier if I don't have to worry about paying rent while I'm doing it.

I had a little money saved in case of a sudden loss of income. I had a little money saved in case of a health emergency. I did not have enough saved in case of both happening at the same time. You'd think after this experience my advice to everyone would be: "Save more money!" but it is not.

My advice is;
Cherish your friends and family.
Cherish your health.
Wear low cut blouses and show off your cleavage at least once in a while.
When you need help, do not be afraid to ask for it.
When others need help, do not underestimate the impact of just telling them you love them.
Do your monthly breast exams!
Do not settle for doctors who treat you like your opinions and desires are unimportant.
Cherish your friends and family.